BodyGuards
by chero666
Summary: A young convict was hired by NERV to ensure the safety of its pilots. Will he cooperate? PG-13 for SL, V, and a bit of crude humor. I finally updated... damn.
1. Chapter 1

**** Neon Genesis Evangelion is the twisted product of GAINAX... not mine... damn...*****  
  
Ok, it's 7:30, listening to "Mindless Self Indulgence," and I'm bored outta my goddamn skull... what is there for a 17yr old to do? EASY!! Make a fanfic. But, of what? Hmmmm... I guess Eva. WHY NOT!?! Everyone else has. Besides, I've been watching the series for the last 2 years and got the majority of whatever the hell is going on. Lemme start you off with a little qoute from one of my favorite bands and we'll be on our merry little way down "Torture Lane." I hope to see you when you get to my house!   
  
...hehe  
  
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" -Play that record backwards   
  
Here's a message, yo, for the suckas  
  
Play that record backwards   
  
and go fuck yourself  
  
-Play that record backwards   
  
It's a message from aaaaaawwwwww  
  
Play that record backwards   
  
and go go gogogogo   
  
-KILL yourself  
  
Muthafucka go KILL Yourself... Muthafucka go KILL Yourself...   
  
Muthafucka go KILL... Yourself!  
  
-HATE and devour the young  
  
and the weaker ones and don't forget the guns  
  
(You're gonna need 'em to go kill yourself)  
  
HATE all the people you love   
  
In a river of blood  
  
and don't forget the guns  
  
-You're gonnna need 'em to Destroy~~   
  
Always~~ Destroy~~~ Always~~ Destroy~~~  
  
Always~~ Destroy  
  
Uh-uh-uh-uh Yourself!  
  
Uh-uh-uh-uh Yourself!  
  
Uh-uh-uh-uh Destroy yourself if you don't get what you want now!"  
  
**"Backmask" - by "Mindless Self Indulgence"**  
  
*****  
  
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"Bodyguards"  
  
-by chero666  
  
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Tokyo -3... wow... this place was a lot bigger than he heard of... unfortunately, that means that there are more cracks for the rodents and vermin to hide. Pathetic, really. A city housing some of the most important people in the entire world... and it had to be as infested as everyday slums. So... nevermind...  
  
The young man obviously doesn't care where he's going... he knows that some Gov't police would catch up to him and send his sorry-ass to where he belongs... prison... so, he's enjoying the last amount of freedom he has just sightseeing. Damn tracers... he shouldn't of let them do that last time he was face to face with an official... well... too late for bitching, now.  
  
Sucks, really, to have gotten this far and just to be stopped and defeated all because he ran out of bullets. He holds out his firearm so he can look at it, for, he knows that it would be last time he sees it. It was a 257 Magnum with a custom wooden handle. Etched on one side of the wood, with a pocket knife, were the words "Alma." He smiled at the name, his eyes softened a lot from the demeanor that they held earlier.  
  
**Vvvvrrrrrrrrrooooooooooommmmmm!!!!**  
  
Sirens... not a smart idea when trying to catch him. Such a dead give-away. What the hell is wrong with the Police force nowadays? No matter what country he goes to, they all make the same mistakes. Oh well... he was gonna give himself up anyways.  
  
He quickly grab a plastic bag that happened to float by, shove his gun in it, and threw it up in a tree... the bag hooked onto one of the branches and hung there, swaying as the light breeze made it... toying with it like he used to until the day he found out that it was a weapon... a powerful one...  
  
**VVVVRRRROOOOOOMMMM!!!!**  
  
**SSCCRREEEEEEECCCHHH!!!**  
  
**Click!**  
  
Officer: (With a strong Japanese accent, trying to speak English) "PUT YOUR HANDS UP NOW!!""  
  
Young man: "... hehe..."  
  
He rose he hands up, like he would if a childhood friend would whenever they are playing "Cops & Robbers." All in games... and very insincere, like he knew it was gonna happen, but still didn't have time to reherse the look of shock or fear. He was having fun.   
  
The pigs... errrr... respectable police officers, one by one, came out and aimed their pistols at him. The sound of a gun cocking is nothing new to him, in fact, he welcomed the comfort it gave him...  
  
Young man: "... just like home..."  
  
Officer: (Reading from a paper) "Roal! You are under arrest for an uncountable number of murders, 4 counts of robbery, 8 counts of resisting arrest, 23 counts of endangering the life of an officer, conspiracy against the President of the US, Iraq, Russia, The Queen of England..."  
  
Roal: "I already know WHY I'm going... just arrest me already... unless hearing you talk about all the crimes that I committed is my punishment. If that's the case, than the Judicial System really gone down since 2nd Impact."  
  
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TV: "And finally, 'FBI's Most Wanted' Roal has been captured today by authorities, ending his 3yr long run and is, now, being sent to a nearyby penetentuary, in waiting for his court case..."  
  
Misato: ('About time. What wrong with our youth these days? They're given the best that we hafta offer and the turn as bitter as... ummm... what's a good analogy?')  
  
Shinji: "Misato! You left all your beer cans on the desk again!!"  
  
Misato: "... bitter as beer... not bad, if I say so myself."  
  
Shinji: "What?"  
  
Misato: "Nothing! Just brush them off to the side, I'll get Asuka to pick them up."  
  
There semed to be a slight hesitation in the room that held the desk that Shinji was going to do his homework on. There came a heavy sigh shortly afterwards.  
  
Shinji: "That's ok, Misato. I'll get them."  
  
The sound of beer cans being pushed into a plastic bag can be heard around the house. Obviously, Shinji decided that it was best to do the work himself, so not to hear the angry cries of his roommate fussing over something as minial as picking up aluminium cans and shoving them in a bag; a job that took him only 45 seconds to complete.  
  
Misato: (sighs) ('It's sweet of him, but he really shouldn't do Asuka's work for her. If this kept up, then she'd grow up as an unbearable, spoiled-rotten...')  
  
Asuka: "Hey, Third! When your done, start on making breakfast!"  
  
Misato: ('That was quick.')  
  
Shinji: "Yes ma'am!"  
  
The "Third Child"/ Shinji Ikari/ "Whipping Boy to a certain red-headed German bit- err... girl" obediantely starts breakfast, neglecting his homework so he wouldn't entice the wrath of the firey demon that dwells in the same apartment complex that he knows as the only home that he had in the past 10yrs.  
  
Asuka Sohryu/"Second Child"/"The self proclaimed Best Pilot of the Beasts known as 'Evangelion'"/"Shinji's She-pimp" pushed the sliding door of her room open, walked into the kitchen, and sat down at the table, waiting for her "he-bitch" to serve her meal. You could almost see the testosterone in the air flee in terror once it found out that there is a stronger hormone out there with the ability to kick its ass all the way to the completion of a Tokyo-8... if it felt like it.  
  
Asuka: "What's for breakfast?"  
  
Shinji: "Ummm... I dunno. I barely started."  
  
Asuka: "God, what use are you?"  
  
Shinji: "Sorry"  
  
Asuka sighs and rubs the bridge of her nose. She never thought that something as simple as an apology would get on her nerves, but, of course, she never thought that K-PAX would suck as much ass as it did, but look at it now... the best cure insomnia since viagra. {What the hell did I just say?}  
  
Asuka: (standing up) "Mein Gott! Will you stop apologizing!?! I just woke up 3 minutes ago, and ALREADY you're saying sorry."  
  
Shinji: "Sorry."  
  
Asuka: "I thought I said for you to stop that!"  
  
Shinji: (cringing back a bit) "Sorry."  
  
Asuka: "There you go again! Are you simple or something?"  
  
Shinji: "Sor-"  
  
Shinji stopped in mid-"sorry" when he saw Asuka raise her hand up, as a warning, to show that she was going to cause a large, stinging, hand-print shaped mark to appear across his face and, thus, causing pain. He stopped talking all together and got back to breakfast. Asuka saw this and sat back own in her chair and resumed the state of impatiency that she was in.  
  
Asuka: ('Sometimes, the family dog needs a bit of a tug on the choke-chain for him to listen.')  
  
The entire time, Misato was emptiing another can of Yebisu and, after sipping down the last drop , she grabbed her keys and headed for the door. Shinji was the first to catch this.  
  
Shinji: "Where're you going?"  
  
Misato: "Hm? OH! I kept forgetting to tell you two! I got to pick up a new member of NERV today, so that Commander Ikari can meet 'em."  
  
Shinji: "Alright, bye!"  
  
Misato: "Seeya! Take the trash out in the morning, kay!?!"  
  
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In all honestly, I was gonna write more, but I'm getting tired. I've been working on just this part for the past 3 hours. I never really noticed how much time actually passes whenever I write these things. Meh! Oh well, I'll just post this and get to sleep.  
  
Tell me whatcha think. Should I continue? or should I throw this in the same place where my little sister puts her boyfriends' souls after she's done with them? 


	2. Chapter 2

(Eva doesn't belong to me. If I did, then I would've initiated 3rd Impact already and I'd be going through all of your underwear drawers by now... errrr... ignore that last part ...hehe)  
  
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Bodyguards  
  
by chero666  
  
  
  
-"What do YOU want to do?"  
  
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Such a nice morning. Tokyo-3 really shines at this time of the day. All the people, who stand dorment to a surprise Angel attack, are going through thier everday lives. Such delusion is nessessary when living here. Everyday could be your last.  
  
That's all anyone could say when they are handcuffed in the back of a Police Cruiser and you have limited retrospect of the area around you. If only he could've had time to look a bit more closely here. He would've found out more than just his own opinions. He would've found fact.   
  
He was never satisfied until he found truth in a world that was built on lies, opinion, and corruption. He didn't mind the lies and corruption, in fact, he was used to it. It's "opinion" that he has a problem with. There are too many views of the same thing out there. One can see "good," the other sees "bad," and the last hasn't fully decided yet.  
  
Roal: (in Japanese) "Hey, guys. If we have the time, can we stop at a McDonalds or something? I haven't eaten all day."  
  
The two police men didn't even acknowledge that he said anything, as if his own thoughts didn't matter to the world, let alone themselves.  
  
Roal: "Not the talkative type, eh? Well, since you two aren't gonna talk, I'm just gonna pretend that you ARE talking back, so I can amuse myself until we get to the 'Correction Facility."  
  
He clears his throut and starts talking... responding to his every comment, whether it makes sense or not, with a little "add-on" by impersonating the officers. Yep... it was pissing them off.  
  
Roal: "Wow, dude. You got some pretty strong arms for a guy your size. Do you work out or something?"  
  
Roal (Officer #1): "Yeah, I noticed that in the showers whenever I'm washing your body."  
  
Roal (Officer #2): "Oh, you noticed!?! I guess whacking off to the Discovery Channel eight times a week does that to a guy."  
  
Roal (Officer #1): "Oh yeah, indeed. Next time I won't be as shy when touching you in the locker room. Hell, I'll even help you put on your pants, again."  
  
Roal (Officer #2): "That's a great idea! But, this time, don't jiggle your hands around in my jeans whenever you're zipping them up with your teeth."  
  
Officer #2 (real one): "THAT'S IT!!! I'M GONNA KILL THIS FUCKING BASTARD!!!"  
  
The officer started hitting the steel cage lining, that separated them and the criminal, with his elbow in hopes he could break through it so he can murder the kid. Roal was rolling in his seat, laughing in histerics, as he succeeded in pissing off his "chaeffers."  
  
Roal: "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, god!! I love this place already!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
Officer #1: "Stop it!! We have to bring him in alive!"  
  
The offender sat back down in his seat, mumbling something to himself. Right then, the radio started speaking, with it's scratchy language, relaying a message. Roal became really good at Japanese, but he had a hard time trying to desipher what they were talking about. Ever word was followed by a large interruption af static.  
  
Radio: "Number 223... holding... convict... please... NERV... Commander... meet...immediately." (turns off)  
  
Officer #1: "I gotcha!"  
  
The car stopped abruptedly, sending Roal forward a bit and almost hitting the cage (It seems that the cops were too occupied with getting him in the car to buckle him up), and made a U-turn.  
  
Roal: ("What the hell's this about?")  
  
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Misato: ("Such a nice day, today. I should drive around here more often. Usually I'm rushing here late or driving at light speed to get Shinji and Asuka to thier Evas. Of course, everthing looks better when it's not blurred.")  
  
**riiing! riiing!!**  
  
Misato picked up her cell and brought it up to her ear, not noticing that when she did so, she stopped traffic and caused 23 car wrecks in the proccess. The sounds of people yelling at her and crowbars hitting the bullet-proof / sound-proof windshield, that she installed last week, couldn't be heard. She failed to even noticed, or care, that people are trying to run he down with their P.O.S. cars... if only they could get them to start after they were hitting each other earlier, in a mildly comedic "domino-effect" fashion, when Misato stopped.  
  
Misato: "Hello?"  
  
Ritsuko: "Misato?"  
  
Misato: "Oh! Hiya, Ritsuko! What's up?"  
  
Ritsuko: "Where are you?"  
  
Misato: "I'm, right now, going to pick up that new guy. Why?"  
  
Ritsuko: "There's been a change in plans. Commander Ikari is having him... escorted here by police."  
  
Misato: "Aw... lucky guy."  
  
Ritsuko: "I wouldn't be too sure."  
  
Misato: "Why's that?"  
  
Ritsuko: "It doesn't matter, just get here. Ikari wants a meeting with him with some NERV personnel present, just in case."  
  
Misato: "In case of wh-"  
  
**click**  
  
**Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep**  
  
Misato: "Hmmm... damn Akagi and her ability to skirt around any conversation. I guess I'll hafta get to work, now."  
  
Misato quickly slammed her foot on the gas pedal (knocking a few civilians away, around, and over her) and sped down the freeway.  
  
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Gendo Ikari's office was as "happenin'" as a stroll through the Mason Family's childhood home... actually, you'd wish it would be that fun. In fact, you'd rather be a naive 9-year-old lost in "Neverland Ranch" than staying in this room too long. You could feel the Tree of Sephiroth eating away at your bowles (I'd pay to see that).  
  
Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki got off his Cell phone and got back into his trademark position behind Ikari.  
  
Fuyutsuki: "He's on his way now."  
  
Gendo: "Good. I've been most interested in meeting the boy."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Mm-hmm... such skill comming from a 16yr-old boy is extreamly rare. I hear that he is extreamly difficult to talk to."  
  
Gendo: "No need to worry about that, Fuyutsuki. I found a way to make him cooperate."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "... I see... you're prepared."  
  
Gendo: "When aren't I?"  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Were you prepared for Keel's 'Comming-Out' Party?"   
  
Gendo: "I anticipated it."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "How do you figure?"  
  
Gendo: "I seen the way his robotic eyes were staring at all to other men at SEELE. The look of hunger and lust, like he wanted to mount them right then and there."  
  
Fuyutsuki: ("I really don't want to know if this was part of his scenario") "... your thoughts disturb me, Ikari."  
  
Gendo: "That's nothing, I never told you about the time I walked in on him, when he forgot to shut-off his hologram... machine thingy... and he was-"  
  
**RRrrrring!! Rrrrring!!**  
  
Fuyutsuki picks up his phone.  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Whoever this is... thank you, and I will love you forever... oh... Akagi... alright I'll tell him."  
  
Gendo: "He's here."  
  
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Hmmm... the old men at SEELE won't be happy with this... meh! Screw them!! I tried to keep this serious, but that's an impossibility. I dunno, I love writing funny crap. It became second nature to me a couple of years back.  
  
Anyways, I'll get to the meeting in the next chapter. Til then, toodles!  
  
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P.S. - "Ignore the toodles... I'm on a serious amount of crack-cocaine at the moment."  
  
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P.S.S - "I am, really, not on crack-cocaine... I just wanted to say it... does that make me a poser? REALLY!?!?! COOL!!!"  
  
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	3. Chapter 3

(Me's don't own Eva... me's no intelect enough.)  
  
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Holy crap! People actually like this flaming bag of dog sh-... fecies? Meh! That's what I get for trying to sound educated... why be someone you're not... hehe...  
  
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Bodyguards  
  
by chero666  
  
  
  
- "How can someone be so evil?"  
  
-"Cause I can."  
  
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Misato use to have trouble finding her way around NERV, but enough times of being called to the Commander's office would make anyone a little more keen to their surroundings. Dear God... all the reason of the Commander needing her there are going through her head... "Major, give me a status report." "Major, why are you late on the test results?" "Major, someone has been stealing my water." "Major, by any chance, have you seen my gloves?" "Major, is Iraq a Democracy, yet?" "Major, if a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, who should I bet on in the {resent sporting event}?" and so forth.  
  
Misato: ("... poor Fuyutsuki, indeed.")  
  
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Roal: "OW! Watch it, asshole! These boots cost more than your life!"  
  
Roal wasn't very happy at the moment. He always hated being confused. First, he was arrested... he saw that comming eventually, but this time, he didn't know where they were taking him. What the hell was he doing at NERV headquarters?   
  
He would've said his opinion out loud, but he felt some sort of creepy presence floating around HQ. Instead,he decided to let out his agression in a... not very masculine way.  
  
Roal: "Mommy! I'm scared!! Me's need a hug!!"  
  
Officer #2: "SHUT UP, ya fuckin' baby!!"  
  
Roal: "Dude, I'm just kidding. God get a sense of humor... or did your boyfriend suck that outta you along with your di- OW!!"  
  
The officer was a little TOO happy about hitting the captive boy with the butt of his rifle. Why wouldn't he? Roal has been pissing he and his partner off for the last 10 minutes.  
  
Officer #2: "There, finally, we're here!"  
  
The two stopped in front of a pair of large double doors. The name plate reads, "Commander Gendo Ikari" and beneath it, written in a yellow highlighter so that hardly anyone can see it, reads "is a bastard with pedophile tendencies." Roal blinked a few times before the two doors opened up.  
  
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Roal stepped into the room. He shivered immediately.  
  
Roal: "HO-LY CRAP, it felt like all of my principles and morals were ripped out of my body with a salad fork!!"  
  
Fuyutsuki: "I told you, Ikari, that the doorway does that to a person."  
  
Gendo: "I see... I guess I owe you a Coke, now, Sub-Commander"  
  
Roal stepped up to the desk. Gendo immediately dismissed the Officer and got down to work. He picked up a Police report (that can pretty much be a very detailed graphic novel, in itself) and started ticking things off.  
  
Gendo: "Roal... no last name given... 5'4", age 16, brown hair, hazel eyes, enjoys wearing long black coats and, at times, black baseball caps..."  
  
Roal: "Not my fault that I have a crappy sense of fashion."  
  
Gendo: "Hmm... like long walks down towns and eating... chocolate donuts dipped in... nacho cheese? What's that like?"  
  
Roal: "Kicks ass."  
  
Ikari puts down the reports.  
  
Gendo: ("I guess I found out what to do with my lunch hour") "I see... do you know who I am?"  
  
Roal: "Hmm... red sunglasses, white gloves, brown hair, thin beard, professionally moody... Santa?"  
  
Gendo: "Guess again."  
  
Roal: "... Bill Gates?"  
  
Gendo: "One last chance."  
  
Roal: "... OH! I GOT IT!!"  
  
Gendo: "Good."  
  
Roal: "Sarah Michelle Gellar!!"  
  
Gendo: "..." ("It doesn't say 'Mental Deficiant' on the report.")  
  
Roal: "Just messing with you, Commander."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "I told you, Ikari."  
  
Gendo: "Of course, but you're only getting ONE coke off of me today, Fuyutsuki."  
  
Fuyutsuki: ("Damn.")  
  
Roal: "What's this about?"  
  
Gendo: "Good, getting right to the point. I've been watching you lately, Roal, and I must say that I've been very impressed with your skills."  
  
Roal: "It's nothing special."  
  
Gendo: "Bringing down an entire country from the inside isn't concidered 'special' to you?"  
  
Roal: "Oh! That... ok, I kick ass. So what?"  
  
Gendo: "Hmmp... I want you to work for us..."  
  
Roal: "... work?"  
  
Gendo: "As... let's say... a bodyguard..."  
  
Roal: "..."  
  
Gendo: "To the children."  
  
Roal: "... I don't make a good baby-sitter."  
  
Gendo: "Irrelevant."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Irrelevant?"  
  
Gendo: "It's a smarter way of saying that something's unessessary."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Oh, I knew that."  
  
Gendo: "Sure... what do you say?"  
  
Roal: "I was actually hoping for prison... what happens if I don't accept?"  
  
Gendo: "Does it matter?"  
  
Roal: "..."  
  
Gendo reaches down to Roal's reports and flips to a certain page.   
  
Gendo: "This report says that you grew a special... fondness to a certain Chinese girl that you left in Kyoto, before you came here..."  
  
Roal: "... what are you getting at?"  
  
Gendo: "... it also says, here, that she has as much as a 'track-record' as you do. You pretty much, dragged her along with you. We both know that she won't be as easy to catch as you, but I can always say that the reward would be larger if they kill her instead of bringing her back alive."  
  
Roal: ("... shit.") "So... you're saying that, if I don't cooperate with you... you're gonna have the bitch killed?"  
  
Gendo: "I'm not saying anything."  
  
Roal stood there, contemplating what he should do. As dangerous (and demeaning) as the job sounds, he can't let someone try to kill the girl... even if it is...  
  
Roal: "I'll take it."  
  
Ikari smiles.  
  
Gendo: "Welcome to NERV, Roal. The good doctor will be standing outside with your briefings. Dismissed"  
  
Roal glared at Gendo of a second and started his way down to the door. He stops two feet from it and turns his head.  
  
Roal: "You may be an asshole, but I don't see the part where they say that you have 'pedophile tendencies'"  
  
Gendo: "What kind of incompotent idiot would say that?"  
  
Once he said that, the entire room shook violentally. Gendo grabbed the phone off his desk.  
  
Gendo: "Is there an Angel attack?"  
  
Akagi: "No, sir. That was just everyone at NERV sneezing simultaneously."  
  
Gendo: "... put me on intercom."  
  
Akagi: "Yes, sir."  
  
Gendo clears his throut and licks his lips, evily.  
  
Gendo: "Due to budget cut-backs, there are going to be some layoffs... MASSIVE LAYOFFS!! That is all."  
  
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Misato: "I don't remember there being any new information about our finances."  
  
Misato reaches the Commander's door, Ritsuko Akagi is standing outside, patiently.  
  
Misato: "Hey, Ritsuko. Who's inside."  
  
Ritsuko: "The new guy."  
  
Misato: "Oh, why privately?"  
  
Ritsuko: "... I don't know."  
  
Misato: "Hmmm... oh well. What job is he trying out for?"  
  
Ritsuko: "It seems that the Commander wanted someone to ensure the children's safety outside of school and home."  
  
Misato: "... he's never been interested in their personal welfare, before. Why now?"  
  
Ritsuko: "I don't know."  
  
Misato: "A bodyguard to the children... is he cute?"  
  
Ritsuko: "I wouldn't doubt it, but he's out of your reach."  
  
Misato: "How's that?"  
  
Ritsuko: "He's 16."  
  
Misato: "Dammit."  
  
Ritsuko smiled at her companion for a second, until the doors in front of them swung open.  
  
  
  
Roal walked out, surprising Misato at the fact that one child is going to be in charge of making sure that no one kills three children. But she WAS right about something... he would be considered "cute" by a lot of girls... cute in a pissed off type-a-way.  
  
Ritsuko: "Roal?"  
  
Roal: "Yeah?"  
  
Ritsuko: "This way."  
  
Roal: "Professional, aren'tcha? No casual, 'good morning's or 'how've you been's?"  
  
Ritsuko: "It seems that you don't understand the seriousness of your predicament."  
  
Roal: "I never do."  
  
Misato interrupted her colleage.  
  
Misato: "Come on, Ritsuko. Leave 'em alone. What has the kid done to entice that type of attitude from you?"  
  
Ritsuko: "... read this."  
  
Ritsuko tosses her a suitcase full of documents, police reports, video tapes, & newspaper articles.  
  
Misato: "Errr... which one?"  
  
Ritsuko: "Does it matter... its all about him."  
  
Misato: "... wow... made quite of a name for yourself, huh kid?"  
  
Misato looked up from the suitcase and found that the two have already made their way down the hall.  
  
Misato: "Hey, wait up!"  
  
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I'm gonna stop here. I'm getting tired. I wish I could write as much as I want, but I hafta post this up and get ready to go to school when I wake up. Lemme finish this Chapter off with a little  
  
====Moment of Zen!!====  
  
"If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, who should I bet on in the Super Bowl?"  
  
====================  
  
R&R!  
  
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	4. Chapter 4

(Hmmm... I wanna stomp my school in with Evangelion Unit-01... but I don't own it, thus it is an impossibility... stupid, fucking public High Schools.)  
  
Yep... I hate my school with a firey passion that can only be bested with my will to eat... goddamn I'm hungry.  
  
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Bodyguards  
  
by chero666  
  
-"During the time it took me to type this, I made myself a sandwich."  
  
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Roal: "Is that it?"  
  
Ritsuko: "Just about."  
  
Roal: "Hm..."  
  
Misato: "Did the commander mentioned to you WHY he thinks that getting the children a bodyguard is a good idea?"  
  
Roal: "Nope, but I DID find out that he owes that grey-haired guy a lot of cokes."  
  
Misato: "What?"  
  
Ritsuko: "May we, please, continue?"  
  
Misato: "..."  
  
Ritsuko: "Fine. Anyway, Roal. You're going to be living in Tokyo-3 til Commanders Ikari and Fuyutsuki finally realize that NERV doesn't have the funds to pay a bodyguard's salary for very long and we would forced to fire you."  
  
Roal: "Fair enough, but I don't see those two comming to any brilliant conclusions anytime soon."  
  
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Gendo looks at the screen of his laptop computer, clicking once every other couple of seconds, until he stops, abruptedly.  
  
  
  
Gendo: "Fuyutsuki."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Ikari?"  
  
Gendo: "Why does it say that someone is selling 'Adam Embryo' on Ebay?"  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Errrr..."  
  
Gendo: "... someone who is going by the codename... "Yui's Man-Slut."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Well... errr..."  
  
Gendo: "Do you even realize that the Embryo is still melded into my hand?"  
  
Fuyutsuki: "It is?"  
  
Gendo: "You were there when it happened."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "I thought they were trying to find a cure for your... thing..."  
  
Gendo: "It's called, Syphilis... be mature about it, Fuyutsuki. Besides, I already have that checked and its gone now."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "How?"  
  
Gendo: "... are you familiar to what happened to Kagi when he knew too much?"  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Well..."  
  
Gendo: "DAMMIT!!"  
  
Fuyutsuki: "What happened?"  
  
Gendo: "I got out-bid... this means war..."  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Who is trying to buy it?"  
  
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Asuka: "... this means war!!"  
  
Shinji looks in from his cooking to see what Asuka is yelling about. He sees her on the laptop, shaking the sceen out of fustraition.  
  
Shinji: "What are you doing?"  
  
Asuka: "Huh? Oh, I'm trying to buy this thing off of Ebay, but this asshole keeps out-bidding me. Damn you... 'Akagi-Pimp?'"  
  
Shinji: "What?"  
  
Asuka: "Nothing."  
  
Shinji: "... what are you trying to buy?"  
  
Asuka: "I'm not quite sure..."  
  
Shinji looks over her shoulder, right at the screen.  
  
Shinji: "'Adam Embryo?'"  
  
Asuka: "Sounds like a pre-2nd-Impact rock band... I got sick of listening to Rammstein and Ron Jeremy."  
  
Shinji: "Ron Jeremy?"  
  
Asuka: "Yeah, he's a retired porn star who tried his luck at creating a Heavy Metal Rock band."  
  
Shinji: "Did he succeed?"  
  
Asuka: "Not really, but it was the last album I had that I haven't heard yet."  
  
Shinji: "Oh... interesting..."  
  
Asuka: "Hey, stop breathing on me and get back to work... unless that's what you wanted to do the entire time. That's it! I bet this entire time, you just wanted to take advantage of the situatuion and breath on my well-endowed, virgin body, didn't you!?! YOU PERVERT!!"  
  
Shinji: "errr... BACKTOWORK!!!"  
  
Shinji sprints back into the kitchen, leaving Asuka in the light of her computer screen, smiling in victory.  
  
Asuka: "Well, all's well that end's w-... SHIT!! I LOST!?!?! DAMN YOU, BAKA!"  
  
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Fuyutsuki: "You happy, now, Ikari?"  
  
Gendo: "Yes... do I really have to pay for shipping and handling?"  
  
Fuyutsuki: "Do you want a more professional look or do you want me to shove it in a paper bag and leave it in the trashcans between the Liquor Store and NERV headquarters?"  
  
Gendo: (sighs) "Alright, give me an address."  
  
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Misato's behind the wheel (sucking badly), Ritsuko riding shot-gun, and Roal's rides in the back of Misato's car and trying to make himself comfortable. Wouldn't say that this is the worst drive he's ever been on, but it comes close to the time he hung on the bottom of a Metro bus after he found out that he ran out of money for the fare.  
  
Roal: "What are we doing?"  
  
Ritsuko: "Our scanners said that a child left their house, so we're, now, putting you to work."  
  
Roal: "About damn time, I was wondering why I haven't done much in this chapter."  
  
Ritsuko: "Say again?"  
  
Roal: "Nothing."  
  
Misato stops the car at a run-down apartment complex and they all walk out, trying to rid themselves of the feeling that is similiar to Jet-Lag, and get down to business.  
  
Ritsuko hands Roal a pistol and Roal examines it.  
  
Roal: "This is it?"  
  
Ritsuko: "It the only model that is provided to NERV employees... you'd have to buy your own if you want something different."  
  
Misato: "Wait a minute... so the Linear Proton Cannon that I found in your closet WASN'T NERV ISSUED!?!?"  
  
Ritsuko: "Errr... we'll talk about that later."  
  
Roal: "Wait a sec... there's only one bullet in the magazine!"  
  
Ritsuko: "Commander Ikari's orders. He said that, if, you take one of us down the other would be able to shoot you."  
  
Misato: "I didn't get the memo."  
  
Ritsuko: "... anyway, just try to find the First Child and make sure that she finds her way safely back home, alright?"  
  
Roal: "She could be anywhere by now. How am I..."  
  
Ritsuko: "That's your problem. Misato, lets go."  
  
The two hop into Misato's car and drive off.  
  
Roal: "... crap..."  
  
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Misato: "Maybe we should've told him that Rei only goes to 3 places."  
  
Ritsuko: "Oh, right... oh well... wanna get something to drink?"  
  
Misato: "Sure, there's this new liquor store that opened last week next to NERV..."  
  
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Next Chapter is on its way... just keep those reviews comming!!! With each new review I get, the higher my ego gets.  
  
Higher ego = More chapters  
  
Almost as simple as Geometry... which I'm passing with a 92. BOO-YAAA!!  
  
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	5. Chapter 5

(Alrighty, ownership of Evangelion is something for which I can't obtain and control like I am it's Senior Executive, President, Monarch, and GOD!!!)  
  
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What in the Holy Hell have I been eating? That was one of the strangest things that I said... well, besides the time I impersonated Adam West from Family Guy... "How do you know my language?" "Well Well, Mr. Toilet. I thought you were in the Hemptons." and "Well, thank God she's just a figment of my imagination."  
  
What'd I tell ya? The higher my ego, the more (and possibly better) the chapters are there.  
  
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Bodyguards  
  
  
  
by chero666  
  
-"My money's on the guy who wins."  
  
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Roal: "No..."  
  
?: "- - - - -"  
  
Roal: "What!?!"  
  
?: "- - - - -"  
  
Roal: "Hell no!!"  
  
?: "- - - - -"  
  
Roal: "No! You're keeping your stupid-ass there!"  
  
?: "- - - - -"  
  
Roal: "No!! I said-"  
  
**BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!**  
  
Roal: "... bitch..."  
  
Roal pockets his cell phone and gets back to work. Easier said then done, he has no clue what to do. The First Child is nowhere to be found. Worse... he has no clue what he/she looks like... not very helpful. Of course, he didn't expect a job where you'd hafta blackmail people to join to be fair, but at least they could tell you how the hell you do your job.  
  
Roal: "I guess I'll start walking."  
  
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Roal: "...wow this sucks. Nevermind... this sucks at a whole new level of sucking. I bet the situation I'm in could suck a golfball through a garden hose."  
  
Be that as it may (or how true it is), he still had to find a way to figure out where his "target objective" is. He starts walking one more time around, later he'll go back to the apartment and see if they made it home, yet.  
  
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Blue... that's her hair color... blue... if any fanboy out there would be reading this, then he'd know exactly who I'm talking about. THAT'S RIGHT!!! It's everyone's favorite, loveable, albino-est, clone that ever graced us with her presence /aka/ popped out of a vat of LCL from the core of the Dummy Plug System that tried to kill Toji, but on ended up making him a paraplegic (but it hasn't happened yet in this time-line, yet)... Rei Ayanami.  
  
She recently went to NERV HQ, but it seemed that there was no use for her to be there at the moment, so she decided that it would be best to just walk back to her apartment and stare at random thing until she fell asleep... doesn't she sound like a real party-girl...  
  
Rei: ("Am I almost there yet?")  
  
She lays her eyes on a nearby street sign... nope... not there yet...I'd type down more on what she's doing... but I don't feel like boring myself with that... next scene!!!  
  
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Blue... this time, I'm not talking about Rei. I'm talking about the color of a Station Wagon parked down the street from her. Slums would be the first word in your mind when you look at the car. Obviously, the owner either didn't have the money to get the tail-lights fixed and getting a new windshield or he never really cared. What's strange is that the windows, or what's left of them, are deeply tinted. You'd expect a Limo or "The Pope Mobile" to be tinted like that, but to be found on a car that carjackers would give back it just plain... queer... yep... queer. Look it up.  
  
The man on the inside of it (FYI: the window's open) was shaking. The sweat running down his brow getting into his eyes, so he wipes the annoyances out of the way and picks up his cell phone. (Goddamn... why does everyone in a post-2nd Impact world have cell phones?)  
  
Man: "I see her... do I really hafta kill her?"  
  
Cell: "Yes, you moron. Just run her the fuck over and get the hell outta there!"  
  
Man: (sighs) "Alright."  
  
He puts down his phone and starts warming up the car.  
  
**VRRRRRRROOOOOOOOO - PUT - PUT - PUT - OOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM...**  
  
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Roal: "Wow... that car sounds like it's in bad shape... P.O.S. indeed"  
  
He found nothing... all he got from his little hike down the streets was a headache and the smell and sound of bad mileage. The last time he seen a car that fucked up was when he saw a remastered version of "National Lampoon's Vacation."  
  
Roal smiles at that memory... though he perfered "John Carpenter's Escape from L.A.," but who cares?  
  
Roal: "That car seemed to be in a hurry... WHAT THE HELL!!!!"  
  
Looking down the street, Roal saw why the driver was flooring the hell out of the "Wally-Mobile"... a young girl barely got out of the way and started running into an ally.  
  
Without second-thinking it, Roal sprinted down the street and into the same ally-way that the blue-haired girl ran into. Looking down the ally, he saw the the girl limping into the street.  
  
Roal: ("She must've hurt herself")  
  
**SCCCCRRRREEEEEEEEECCCCHHHH!!!!!**  
  
Roal immediately sprinted towards the girl.  
  
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Rei: "Ow..."  
  
Rei clutched her leg a bit when she hit the ground when she jumped out of the way of the car. It was obvious that they were deliberately trying to kill her, so she continues to run. She found herself in the middle of the street when she heard it...  
  
**SCCCCRRRREEEEEEEEECCCCHHHH!!!!!**  
  
... the car turned the corner and was comming right back at her. She raised herself up a bit and closed her eyes. Fear... sadness... none of those feelings passed through her... no feelings passed through her... she just stood there.  
  
Rei: ("... I'm the second... will there be a third?)  
  
????: "What are you retarded!?! Get out of the way!!"  
  
Rei didn't have enough time to open her eyes to look at the source of her mental disturbance; she felt an arm wrap around her, pick her up, and toss her to the side. She landed and rolled on the concrete. She turned around to only see the car comming straight to the boy who threw her.  
  
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Roal: "SHIT!!"  
  
The car was comming too fast for him to jump out of the way, but that only narrows his options down to two... either try to pull his gun out and shoot the guy or...  
  
Roal jumps up, twisting in mid-air so that his back is facing the car instead of his face. The next thing flowing through Roal's mind was...  
  
Roal: ("This is gonna hurt... bad...")  
  
**SCCCCRRREEECCCHHH!!!!** - - **CRAAAACK**  
  
Pain was running through Roal as his back met the windshield. His body was digging deep into the glass as he felt the car swirve to the sides in a panic. The next thing he knew, the Station Wagon hit a street-light. There wasn't enough force to knock it down too much, but there was enough to dis-lodge Roal, causing him to fly forwards, smashing his abdomen into the pole.  
  
Roal lost every ounce of breath he had for the next 20 seconds. He was severely winded. Gaining a little-bit of oxygen, Roal forced himself off the pole, onto the ground, and drew his gun. He made his way to the driver's side door and pointed his gun at the window.  
  
Roal: "Get out of there, asshole... c'mon, you motha-fucker... now, before I start shooting..."  
  
He was too winded to yell, but he got his message through. Now to see if the bastard would comply... nope.. nothing...  
  
Roal: "That's it..."  
  
Roal grabbed the door handle and as he started to open the door, the passenger's side door bursted open and the guy ran out. Roal was still recovering from the pain he was in to react fast enough, 'cause by the time he raised his gun up, the man already had a hostage... Rei... he was holding up a pistol to her head, standing behind her.  
  
Man: "Put the gun down!!"  
  
Roal stared at him for a second, his face was stern, but calm. He started to make his way around the car and stood about 10 feet from the man, still holding up the gun that the doctor, earlier, gave him.  
  
The man started to get nervous.  
  
Man: "NOW!!! D-DROP IT!!"  
  
Roal's face suddenly changed from a strong-serious look to one that was a mixture of disgust and embarassment. Roal laid his gun to down and turned to the side, rubbing the bridge of his nose out of, what looks like, fustraition... and it was.  
  
Roal: "Great... just great... first I get arrested, then balckmail, the hit with a car, and NOW I hatfa deal with this dumbass!!!"  
  
The Man's face faulted... he was being called a "dumbass" and HE was holding a gun to a little girl's head... what is wrong with this picture?  
  
Roal: "Honestly, God, the least you could've done was give me a competent person, here! Not this rookie!! C'MON!!"  
  
Roal turned back to the man.  
  
Roal: "Look, dude, I admire that you're trying, but you got to do better then this..."  
  
Man: "Huh?"  
  
Roal: "Really, I can point out five things that you are doing wrong..."  
  
Man: (curiously) "What?"  
  
Roal: "One... you're positioning... I have a clear shot of, both, your heart and forehead."  
  
He was right. The Man's body was sticking out and the fact that his hostage was a foot under him didn't help.  
  
Roal: "Two... you have your back wide open for an attack by a local civilian who would decide to try to play 'hero'... Three... she has a clear shot at your balls by the way you're standing... Four... is your gun even cocked?"  
  
Nope... wow... dumbass, indeed...  
  
Man: "Errr... thanks... I guess... what's number five?"  
  
It seemed that the guy started to feel a bit relaxed, like he's sitting next to a fireplace, sipping English tea like some cheesy-ass dumbass Brit.  
  
Roal starts to look around and his eyes set on something in the street.  
  
Roal: "Oh, there's no number five, I'm just using this to stall you for long periods of time, anyways, what're your Stop signs made out of?"  
  
Man: "Huh?"  
  
Roal, in a blink of an eye, whipped out the gun, and fires his only bullet at a nearby stop sign. Flying at speeds unknown to man, the bullet hits the stop sign and, as exactly as Roal wished it would, it ricocheted off if the metal and flew straight through the man's head. A low moan was comming out of the man's throat before hitting the ground.  
  
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Surprise... a bit... shocked... not really. The second that she felt the gun that was being pressed at her temple left, she knew that she'd still be alive. She couldn't say that she was unhappy, but she was pretty curious about the ending outcome of the stand-off. It was like something off of a western movie that Commander Ikari borrowed from someone.   
  
She lowered herself to the ground and sat there for a bit... it was a bit more excitement then what she is used to. You'd think that piloting an EVA would desensitize her from that, but she never thought that her direct body would be the target. She should feel a bit of gratitude to the boy... but that'll have to wait.  
  
Boy: "You ok?"  
  
Rei: "..."  
  
Boy: "What's your name?"  
  
Rei: "..."  
  
Boy: "... are you the First Child?"  
  
Rei: "... hai... may I ask who you are?"  
  
Boy: "I guess...  
  
The boy looked like he couldn't believe what he was about to say... the look of disgust, confusion, and anxiety washed over his face very quickly.  
  
Boy: "... I guess I'm your bodyguard."  
  
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Well, that ends the first bits of action that I have planned for this fic. Hope you enjoyed it. To me... that kinda sucked to type down, but I better get used to it if I want to be a writer when I'm out of school. LATERZ!!!  
  
-  
  
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	6. Chapter 6

-  
  
*singing* - Yeah, they call me Mellow Yellow... quite right... something something something... quite right...  
  
(Err... I don't own EVA)  
  
Dude... I'm so fucking not here... wow... I feel SO wasted... I don't drink or smoke, but I imagine that this is what it feels like. If you see a lot of typing errors, then that'll be the medicine that I took kicking in... I dunno WHAT the Hell my mom gave me (oepium, I think), but I feel like Jello at the moment. In class, some kid was showing us his old school Year-Book and I was looking at it upside down... their eyes were talking to me...  
  
This sucks...  
  
Anyways, I made some corrections in my past chapters (Spelling, Grammar, and some re-wording.), but I doubt that anyone'll notice too much. For example: I noticed that Roal was a little too forward at the end of my last chapter, so I added a bit more to it and made him sound better... "Rion" this is not a Rei/OC fic, but thanks for giving me a good idea... excellent [does his best Mr. Burns impersonation.]  
  
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Bodyguards  
  
by chero666  
  
-Dude, I'm like... dude... with a... dude..."  
  
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She was so beautiful... why did something like that have to happen to it? There are somethings in the world that's not fair, but, even though Roal knew this fact, he still cursed the Heavens for allowing such blasphemy to happen to something that has done more good then wrong...  
  
Rei watch as Roal was holding his glass-ripped coat in his hands... and he was on the verge of tears. Rei was familiar with the way that humans displayed affection towards one-another, but the way that Roal was displaying concern and love towards an article of clothing was just plain... freaky.  
  
Roal: "... 2,525 dollars... down the shitter..."  
  
Roal angrily walked up to the dead, bleeding corpse that he hasn't disposed of yet and kicked him a couple of times in the head. You can hear a snap from the first strike when Roal snapped the guy's neck with his boot.  
  
Rei, already truamatized for life by watching the boy cradle his black, leather coat like a mother would hold a child (or a father, you pick), got up and started to walk back home... trying to anyways. She seemed to have sprained her ankle when she dodge that Station Wagon. She began limping her way down the street, that's when Roal finally snapped out of his little "touching moment" with his coat and was walking right next to her.  
  
Roal: "Where do you think you're going?"  
  
Rei: "..."  
  
Roal: "Y'know, I can't let you go alone, part of the job of being a bodyguard, right?"  
  
Rei: "..."  
  
Roal: "The social one, aren'tcha. I bet all of your friend just can't get you to shut up sometimes, huh?"  
  
Rei continued to ignore him. She'd much rather walk alone, in silence obviously, but it doesn't seem like the boy understands... or even care. He seemed to enjoy listening to the sound of his own voice.  
  
As comforting it is to have a bodyguard, which she didn't care for in the first place, she wished that the boy would just close his mouth and stop any type of vocal chord movement from doing any futher damage to any form of repect that was beginning to form inside of her.  
  
Roal: "... so after combating the Mormens in the Korean War..."  
  
... and there it goes... hear that distant sound of a toilet flushing? You get the picture.  
  
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-  
  
Gendo Ikari and Fuyutski are looking over a paper that someone faxed over to them a couple of minutes ago.  
  
Gendo: "Fuyutski... what do you make of this?"  
  
Fuyutski: "I don't know, Ikari... mind telling me what it is?"  
  
Gendo: "It's SEELE's plan to sell the EVA's to..."  
  
Fuyutski: "The Nazi's? I thought they disbanded after Hitler died."  
  
Gendo: "Well, it seems that SEELE found an underground cult following that are similiar to the Nazi's."  
  
Fuyutski: "Hmmm... a group of 'Neo-Nazis,' pretty much?"  
  
Gendo: "Yeah, SEELE gave up their plan as soon as they realized that Instumentality meant that ALL of mankind would become an ocean of LCL, so, they decided that the best approach would be to cause Massive Geneocide of everyone but them... thus this is where the Nazi's fit in."  
  
Fuyutski: "... are you considering joining them."  
  
Gendo: "Nah... I'm, in actuallity, too lazy to be a Nazi."  
  
Fuyutski: "You seem right about that... you strike me more of a Communist."  
  
Gendo: "... maybe a Monarchy... anything but Socialism."  
  
Fuyutski: "Why's that?"  
  
Gendo: "... that means that I'll actually have to put effort at getting things done... why exert more energy than needed."  
  
Fuyutski: "I see your point."  
  
Noticing that they got off topic, Fuyutski tried to start the old one back up.  
  
Fuyutski: "So, what're we going to do about this."  
  
Gendo: "Nothing, yet. We'll just have to wait and see just how committed they are to thier plan."  
  
Fuyutski: "Yes, SEELE are like a bunch of picky teenagers... next thing you'd know, they'll try to attack NERV directly with a giant army in a violent attempt to gain control and begin 3rd Impact."  
  
Gendo: "Heh, not likely. They don't have the huevos."  
  
Fuyutski: "Speaking of which, are you going to accept Keel's invitation to that Nude Camping Trip?" {Hint-Hint}  
  
Gendo: "... I haven't gone THAT long without Yui."  
  
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If Rei was a believer in God, she's picture him sitting on a Lay-Z-Boy with a bowl of caramel popcorn in his lap, watching the scene unfold... chocking on a piece of popcorn when he was laughing too hard.  
  
The two finally made it to her apartment... finally.   
  
Roal: "Wow... what a cesspool... remindes me of New York."  
  
Rei: "... which part."  
  
Roal was a little surprised... almost as surprised as Rei was. Both of the couldn't believed that she actually asked a question pretaining to something that he said. They've been walking around town for the last 20 minutes and she hadn't said a single word to him.  
  
Roal: "Errr... what was that?"  
  
Rei: "Which part of New York reminded you of a cesspool?"  
  
Roal: "... New York..."  
  
Rei: "... I'm going in, now."  
  
That she did. Rei locked the door behind her, which is something she never did before, and rightfully so. You wouldn't want to give someone who made you uncomfortable the chance of being near you again.  
  
He jumped out of nowhere, saved her life, something she never wanted in the first place, and didn't stop talking for almost half an hour. Lilum are confusing... giant paradoxes. With their ability to contradict everything they are...  
  
Rei didn't want to think about it anymore. She just laid down in her bed and tried to fall asleep...  
  
Rei: ("I'm going to have to ask Commander Ikari about this.")  
  
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Shit, my medicine's acting up on me. I'll just go to bed, now. Sorry, if this to a little short. Laterz!!!  
  
R&R  
  
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	7. Chapter 7

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(I had a dream that I owned Evangelion... that was the best and most destructive dream I ever had... reality sucks)  
  
I'm feeling a lot better than in the last chapter. I was tripping like a one-legged man in an "Ass-Kicking" contest. Nyquil and Sudifed does NOT mix well. I'm surprised that I hardly made any typing errors... I guess, even when I'm sick, I'm a perfectionist... or anal retentive... haven't decided yet. COIN TOSS!!  
  
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Bodyguards  
  
by chero666  
  
-"Einstein's speaking... whoa..."  
  
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-  
  
Roal: "Wow, this neighborhood sucks the mighty scrotum of death itself. Is that a man eating a dog?"  
  
Roal found out a couple of seconds later that it was a giant rat feasting on the sweet, sweet eye-juices of a local hobo. With his "spidey-senses" going haywire, Roal ran the hell out of there.  
  
Roal: "I've been to disease ridden cities, but this place has more freaks of nature than the Jackson Family Tree."  
  
Hobo: "Hey, Mr... can you tell me where the "I'm Homeless and I want to Die" meetings are being held?"  
  
Roal: "Yeah, I think it's being held on top of that building..."  
  
**SPLAT!!**  
  
Both Roal and the hobo watched as a local derelict smashed into the ground from on top to building that Roal pointed out earlier. After that scene, Roal had a strange craving for biscuits and gravy.  
  
Roal: "... I'm not too sure about that though."  
  
Hobo: "I'll see..."  
  
The hobo walked into the building, never to be seen again.  
  
Roal: "... I'm gonna miss him... he had the most interesting odors."  
  
-  
  
************************************************************  
  
-  
  
**RRRrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnng!**  
  
**RRRrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnng!**  
  
Misato: "Hello?"  
  
Roal: "Major?"  
  
Misato: "Yes?"  
  
Roal: "It's me, Roal."  
  
Misato: "Oh... how'd you get my phone number?"  
  
Roal: "The doc gave me it."  
  
Misato: "Oh, did you find Rei?"  
  
Roal: "Who?"  
  
Misato: "... the First Child..."  
  
Roal: "Oh... that's her name? Huh, she hardly said a damn word to me."  
  
Misato: "Well, that's what happens when you try to make convesation with an enigma."  
  
Roal: "Good point... quick question."  
  
Misato: "Shoot."  
  
Roal: "Why are there a bunch of homeless people jumping off of a building nearby me?"  
  
You can hear the distant sounds of Man turning into Tomato Paste in the background.  
  
Misato: "Oh you mean the "I'm Homeless and I want to Die" meetings?"  
  
Roal: "... how the hell do you know about those?"  
  
Misato: "NERV funds them."  
  
Roal: "... righty... anywho... what should I do now?"  
  
Misato: "Well... hold up a second, I got someone on the other line."  
  
Roal: "Alright, I'll just entertain myself with the people smashing into the... OOOOH!! Look at that one!"  
  
**Beep!**  
  
Misato: "Hello?"  
  
Asuka: "Misato, Shinji burned dinner."  
  
Misato: "How'd he do that? He the only competent person in the house."  
  
Asuka: "Well, you see... it's entirely Shinji's fault. The whole mess should be blamed on him. I had nothing to do with it. You will not find my finger prints on ANY of the pots and pans... just ingnore that fact that Shinji was in the bathroom and I was wearing pot holders when the napalm got thrown into it... anyways, what should I do since Shinji burned dinner?"  
  
Misato: "... Asuka..."  
  
Asuka: "Yes?"  
  
Misato: "... napalm?"  
  
Asuka: "Whoa, is that an Angel attack I hear in Townsville and the Power-Puff Girls are too busy dealing drugs, that the Professor created, to help out? I gotta get going, bye!!"  
  
**Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!**  
  
**Click!**  
  
Misato: ("That girl... if I don't die of a heart attack by my mid-thirties, I might as well register my prozac poppin' ass in Social Security.") "Still there?"  
  
Roal: (still staring at hobos dropping) "I give that one a 7.75 out of 10... oh hey! What was that about?"  
  
Misato: "Something about Drugs, Napalm, and Dinner."  
  
Roal: "... as yes... I had one of those days."  
  
Misato: "... nevermind... just nevermind..."  
  
A lightbulb flashed into her head... then flickered... then died... but Misato got the messsage beforehand.  
  
Misato: "Hey, I got an idea! Why don't you escort the other two Children for something to eat. Are you hungry?"  
  
Roal: "Not re-"  
  
Misato: "Perfect, it works out nicely. I'll come by an pick you up. You're next to the "Dead Man" building, correct?"  
  
Roal: "Yeah, but-"  
  
Musato: "Great, I'll be there in a second! Wait up!"  
  
Roal: "But-"  
  
**Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!**  
  
Roal: "...I don't eat at resturants... shit. I guess, I'll just wait here and-"  
  
**SPLAT!!**  
  
Roal: "I give that one a 5..."  
  
-  
  
***************************************************************  
  
-  
  
Misato's car has never been quieter. It's pretty obvious that Roal does not want to be there.  
  
Misato: "What's wrong with you?"  
  
Roal: "It's pretty obvious that I don't want to be here."  
  
See...  
  
Misato: "Look on the bright side... errrrrr... ummmm... ahhhhh..."  
  
Roal: "I'm waiting."  
  
Misato: "... Oh! At least you're not the Commander..."  
  
Roal: "... THAT'S your best one?"  
  
Misato: "Hey, you can't denie that it's true."  
  
Roal: "... you get partial credit."  
  
Misato: "That's all I ask for."  
  
Roal would've comment on that, but something caught his eye in the rear-view mirror. It was a police cruiser... the one with his new "buddies" that he met in the first couple of chapters. Roal cocked an evil smile like it was a shotgun ready to take the head off of a wounded Senator.  
  
Roal: "Excuse me for a sec."  
  
Misato: "For what?"  
  
Without warning her, Roal rolled down the window next to him and leaned half of his body out of the window.  
  
Misato: "What the hell are you doing!?!"  
  
Roal: "Waving hello."  
  
Elevating himself onto the rim of the rolled-down window, he sat down on it until he caught the eyes of the two police officers. Showing total disregard for his own well-being, he started climbing even farther out of the car until his entire body was on top of the roof. He brushed off the sounds of Misato screaming at him to get his "stupid-ass" inside of the car.  
  
The two police officers watched with, both, pissed-off and interested eyes... those eyes are gonna change 'cause Roal brings both of his arms out in front of them and curled all of his fingers... all except for the two middle ones. Roal watched with humor as the cop started to get pretty pissy, but that didn't make him hault his obscene gesture. What DID was a hand comming from inside of the car, trying to pull him back in.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Misato: "... goddamn that sucked."  
  
Roal: "Really, I did not think that someone can vault a bridge like that."  
  
Misato: "Especially when I was trying to pull you back into the car. What the hell were you doing up there?"  
  
Roal: "I was expressing my own personal opinion for the Law Enforcement in your city."  
  
Misato: "Well, next time, give them a phone call."  
  
Roal: "That's... a good idea... I will... later."  
  
Misato watch Roal rub his hands together, like an evil genious. Misato seen Asuka and, once in awhile, Pen-Pen do that look... it can't be good...  
  
Misato: "Let's just pick the other two up."  
  
*****************************************************  
  
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-  
  
Alrighty... I'm bored... yeppo... bored... y'know... I... use... a... lot... of... pausing... in... this... fic... neato...  
  
Anywho, I'll just post this and then try to find out what to do next. LATERZ!!!  
  
- 


	8. Chapter 8

-  
  
(See Chapter 1-7)  
  
Dude... "shadow penguin of the apocalips" (if that's your real name!!!), its only been about a week. I never thought that I'd be THAT good.   
  
OKAY, OKAY!! I'll get my lazy off the bed and work. (sighs) It's a little difficult to find insperation, but I got some a couple of days ago, but was too damn lazy to do anything. Plus, my big sister had me watch my baby nephew for a long time, so I never really got any time on the comp.   
  
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Bodyguards  
  
by chero666  
  
-"Just because I created him, doesn't mean I hafta love him."  
  
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-  
  
Gendo: "WHAT!?!"  
  
Fuyutski: "It's true... they bursted down the door and stole all the urinal cakes from the stalls."  
  
Gendo: "... and why!?!"  
  
Fuyutski: "They think that it gives them super-human powers."  
  
Gendo: "..."  
  
Fuyutski: "..."  
  
Gendo: "Where the hell did you get your information from?"  
  
Fuyutski: "From this memo that the Nazi's mailed us just a couple of seconds ago."  
  
Gendo: "Why didn't the guards stop them?"  
  
Fuyutski: "We had to fire them."  
  
Gendo: "Oh... right, the whole sneezing thing."  
  
Fuyutski: "I told you NOT to fire our security department. You should listen to me more often."  
  
Gendo: "Please, what was the last good idea you had."  
  
Fuyutski: "Well, I gave you the idea to change the Company logo and interior design."  
  
Gendo: "No you didn't, you just hired "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: Tokyo-3 Devision" to spruce up the place and give me a manicure."  
  
Fuyutski: "You can't say that you didn't enjoy it."  
  
Gendo: "Fuyutski, If I wanted to be surrounded by men with questionable sexuality, I'd go to a Anime convention."  
  
Fuyutski: "I see..."  
  
Gendo: "... I DID like the new dress-code though."  
  
Fuyutski: "Yes, it's a lot better than your "Oompah-Loompah / MS Gundam" uniforms you made us wear the first week."  
  
***********************************************  
  
Asuka: "Who!?!"  
  
Misato: "Bodyguard... your guys' new bodyguard."  
  
Misato broke the news about Roal to the two children and it was going as well as a cake-walk through an NRA meeting on "5th Freedom-night." (5th Freedom is when you have immunity from the law, J.I.C.)  
  
Shinji: "Why do we need a bodyguard. What happened to the security."  
  
Misato: "Emergency Down-Sizing"  
  
Shinji: "... oh..."  
  
Asuka: "I still don't see why we need a babysitter. I can take care of myself just fine."  
  
Misato was getting fustraited at the Asuka's little hissy-fit. Shinji's taking it with indifference... talk about the "Odd-Couple." She can almost see a movie being made of this... quite possibly an animated series... nah!!  
  
Misato: "Look, the Commander hired him to protect you guys from whatever happens."  
  
Asuka: "Well, where is he now? I don't see him."  
  
Misato: "I had to handcuff him to the steering wheel so he wouldn't escape."  
  
Shinji: "Ummm... Misato... it's not comforting to know that the man who has our lives in his hand has to be handcuffed so he won't run away."  
  
Misato: "Yeah, he complained a lot, but I think that he's warming up to the idea."  
  
(**Buuuuuuuzzzzzzzz**)  
  
The door bell rang through the house and Misato started opening it.  
  
Misato: "Look, I have no time to argue with you. He could escape and get out of that car any-"  
  
When the door slid open, it revield Roal standing there, dangling a ring of keys by his pinky-finger and a pair of open handcuffs at his side.  
  
Roal: "Y'know, if you don't want anyone to get out of cuffs, don't put the keys to it with your car's."  
  
Misato: "Oh... my bad."  
  
Asuka was too busy fussing to herself about... anything to look to see who was at the door.  
  
Asuka: "Hey, who is it?"  
  
Misato: "Just your bodyguard!"  
  
The two children looked to see what he looks like, out of curiousity. They were both surprised.  
  
Asuka was a bit disappointed. She expect to see the stereotypical bodyguard. Y'know, tall, butch, built like The Berlin Wall, bad hair-cut, dark glasses... she'd never expected to see a kid who only has about 2 inches over her, messy hair, a long coat, and in dire need of a shave.  
  
Shinji, in the other hand, was relieved. He would never be able to be comfortable around a intiminating grown-up. He seeme to be nice enough... in a "kick-your-ass-if-you-say-the-wrong-thing" type of way. In fact, he was used to raging testosterone due to Touji.  
  
Asuka walked over to him an sized him up. She poked him in the chest to see if he'll flinch. nothing... he just looked at the finger and looked at her.  
  
Roal: "Ummm... get your finger off me before I bite it off."  
  
Asuka didn't move it. Instead, she pulled out her other finger and put that one next to its companion. She leaned towards him, pushing them further into him. The look of annoyance was obvious on his face.  
  
Roal: "... why the hell are you doing that."  
  
Asuka: "To see what happens."  
  
Roal: "Well, then... I guess I'll hafta do this."  
  
Asuka: "Do wh-"  
  
(**SNAP!**)  
  
Asuka raised her hands up... it seems that when she wasn't looking, Roal slapped the pair of handcuffs he was holding around her wrists.  
  
Asuka: "What the..."  
  
Misato and Shinji made a low whistle tone, showing that they were impressed. Asuka, on the other hand, was fuming.  
  
Asuka: "Where are the keys!"  
  
Roal dangled the keys in front of her face.  
  
Roal: "Well not so cocky now are you 'Ms. Not So Cocky Now.'"  
  
He dropped the keys to the ground and kicked them over to the kitchen. Asuka just stook there, trying to figure out what's more important... her pride in an isolated building... or her pride in an open to public resturant...  
  
Without saying a word, she chosed the latter and walked into the kitchen. the sound of keys dangling can be heard until...  
  
Asuka: "Where's the key!!"  
  
Asuka stormed out of the kitchen, only to be face to key with... the key being held at her face.  
  
Roal: "Is this it?"  
  
Roal smile like he was having too much fun with this... 'cause he was.  
  
************************************************************  
  
The ride to the resturant was a rather quiet one. Except for the constant bickering from a certain red-headed backseat driver, it was silent.  
  
  
  
There was a rush of relief when the finally got there. It was a traditional looking resturant that only yuppies, rich kids, and NERV employees can dine at... and I don't see any rich kids or yuppies around here.  
  
The four piled out of the car and started their way into the resturant when the were stopped be the host.  
  
Host: "Yes, do you have a reservation?"  
  
Misato: "Errr..."  
  
Asuka: (whispering to Misato) "You forgot, didn't you?"  
  
Misato: "UUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..."  
  
Roal: (sighs) "I got this."  
  
Roal waves his hand in front of the host's face like a magician and said in a tone that oozes with hipnotic trance,  
  
Roal: "You will let us in..."  
  
Suddenly, the host became glaze-eyed and drooly.  
  
Host: "I will let you in..."  
  
Roal: "You will give us the best seat..."  
  
Host: "I will give you best seat..."  
  
Roal: "... and it'll be on the house..."  
  
Host: "... on the house..."  
  
The three NERV employees stared with amazement at the coolness that Roal handled the situation... Oh, and the whole hipnotizing thingy, too. Unknow to them...  
  
Roal: "Holy crap, that actually worked."  
  
... Roal only found out how to do that from the movies.  
  
Roal: "Lemme try something... you are now... a NERV employee..."  
  
Instantly, the man dropped to the floor, crawled into the fetal position and started crying... loudly...  
  
Misato: "... yeah, that's about right."  
  
Asuka: "Perfect."  
  
Shinji: "Right on."  
  
Roal: "Ok, stop... now you're... the lowest form of matter in the world..."  
  
Host: "Hello... I'm a fan fiction writer..."  
  
Misato, Asuka, Shinji, and Roal: "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP! STOP!!!!!"  
  
Misato: "That's enough, Roal! Let's just eat!"  
  
Roal: "No complaints here."  
  
Shinji: "How'd you do that?"  
  
Roal: "You mean the 'Jedi Mind Trick?' No clue. You got any ideas?"  
  
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There you go... happy now? Yes? COOL!!!!!! ^_^  
  
R&R  
  
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	9. Chapter 9

-  
  
(blah blah blah... yadda yadda yadda... you got the point by now)  
  
-  
  
Yes, I really do read your reviews. No matter how many, I still love to hear about how much you guys enjoy my writing. I'm bored, so I'll respond to a couple...  
  
(all the reviewers that I'm mentioning are from 2-23-04 and today and anyone before-hand won't be mentioned... sorry, but i don't feel like typing that much.. eh-heh ^^;;)  
  
"shadow penguin"... I appretiate the little push off my ass, anyways. To be honest, I wasn't gonna update of a couple more days until I got your review. Just don't hurt your brother too much... maybe just a little...  
  
"Dark-Titan"... (I kinda like your name. Dunno why)... plot-less are my favorites... there's gonna be one sooner or later, but I just don't know when.  
  
"big NOse Q"... (nice name)... self mocking is what I'm good at, but most of the time it's not clean... clean... not my style, but I have the occasional.  
  
"HDX_Shadow"... ah booze... the 'cause and solution to... all of life's problems ^^  
  
"Rion"... dude, I have YET to figure out where I got the Jedi Mind Trick thing from... oh well, it works!!  
  
There ya go, that's all the ones that I got from the time that I typed this and the time that I finish. If I catch others before I post, then I'll say thanks to you in my next one.  
  
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Bodyguards  
  
by chero666  
  
-"Peace, love, and all the funky-funky-fresh vibes"  
  
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Rei: ("This must be the resturant that Commaner Ikari mentioned...")  
  
Rei finds herself outside of an expensive looking resturant. Dragging along the depair and hopelessness of her destructive exisistance, she walks into it. She shows her NERV ID to the host (who looks like he's been crying for some apparent reason), seats herself at a table and waits for the waiter.  
  
While waiting, she starts reminescing about how she came upon this area...  
  
-  
  
*********************************  
  
-  
  
(**Rrrriiiinnngg!!**)  
  
Rei: "Hello?"  
  
Gendo: "Rei, it's me. I won't be able to pick you up to get you something to eat, something very important came up and me and Fuyutski are going to be busy the entire day."  
  
Rei: "... ok..."  
  
Gendo: "Why don't you go get something to eat."  
  
Rei: "... where?"  
  
Gendo: "I dunno... anywhere... there's a place that you can go on NERV's money. Maybe you might find something there..."  
  
Rei: ("It's probably important...")  
  
-  
  
********************************  
  
-  
  
On the contrary to what Rei was thinking, both of the Commanders were standing over an over-flowing toilet holding plungers. Fuyutski is violently trying to dislodge whatever is clogging up "The John."  
  
Gendo: "Dammit, Fuyutski!! I told you!! Your diapers don't go down the toilet!!"  
  
Fuyutski: "I already told you, it wasn't my diapers!!"  
  
Gendo: "Then what is it!!"  
  
Fuyutski: "I think I got it!!"  
  
With both Commanders pulling at the plunger, the foreign object finally gave loose and the water now runs freely down the drain.  
  
Gendo: "There we go... what was that?"  
  
Fuyutski: "It looks like... a urinal cake?"  
  
Gendo: "... WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?!?!"  
  
Fuyutski: "Looks like the bowl's been sabotaged."  
  
Gendo: "First of all, when did the SEELE / NAZI party get access to my personal restroom and... when did they start using ninja tactics to pull off Grade-School pranks?"  
  
Fuyutski: "Maybe they're trying to send a message."  
  
Gendo: "What? Today's 'Take your Child to Work' Day?"  
  
-  
  
******************************************************************  
  
-  
  
Misato: "Hey, Roal. You seem nervous about something."  
  
Roal looked paraniod and was about to jump at the slightest movement... which is weird... even for him.  
  
Roal: "Yeah... me and resturants, especially classy looking ones, don't go well together."  
  
Shinji: "Does bad stuff happen?"  
  
Roal: "All the time. One time I was eating, and the National Guard busted in and started shooting a lot of people."  
  
Misato: "Oh right... America turned Fascist over the last couple of years, hasn't it?"  
  
Roal: "Big time."  
  
Asuka: "Really, I can't believed you're getting all worried about nothing just because of a few bad experiences."  
  
Roal: "There was also the time that me and my friends were eating and the place burned down because of a local pyromaniac..."  
  
Asuka: "Is that it?"  
  
Roal: "Let's see... another Civil War, Blotto Box explosion, drug bust, Congress sniping, Race War, Sex War, The War to End All Wars, The War That Started The Wars All Over Again..."  
  
=[20 minutes later]=  
  
Roal: "... Man vs. Machine, WWE Collapse, WWE comming back with a Man vs. Machine theme, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand... the turkey was a little bit dry once..."  
  
Misato: "..."  
  
Asuka: "..."  
  
Shinji: "..."  
  
Roal: "That's about it... hey...where's our fucking food!?!"  
  
They ordered about the same time that Roal started rambling about... something about a poorly made fighting simulator comming to life to kill it's creator... I dunno... could've been a Stock Market crash. You can't really tell with Roal.  
  
**SMASH!!**  
  
Misato: "What the-!!"  
  
About 7 armed thugs bursted into the dining area of the resturant in a... very predictable "kick the kitchen door open and swarm the entire place without firing a single bullet, but still causing enough chaos to get his message through" type of way... happens all the time to me.  
  
Roal: (looking up at the text above) "How the hell does that work out?"  
  
I live in Texas... the most, un-boring state in the lower part of America... besides the other ones, like California...  
  
Roal: "... okey-dokey... fair enough."  
  
In an equally predictable manner, the leader of the group, who's name happens to be "Jimmy," casually walks into the picture from the same door the his little minions kicked. I must say... these guys aren't professionals. They're being led by someone who looks like they dropped out of College about 5 minutes ago and has plotted his revenge by attacking and robbing a nearby resturant.  
  
That just made no sense, but stay with me... my ability to think logically will come back sooner or later.  
  
Jimmy: "Well Well... I must say. We've got a good haul today, boys."  
  
The men immediately pulled out bags and started stuffing the china-plates, silverware, and jewery and money from the customers of this fine, inexpensive resturant. Where the food is only bested by thier hospitality. {I was told to say that, or else the manager wouldn't let me write here anymore... ^^;;}  
  
One of the goons finally made their way to the NERV tables and started pushing his bag at the group.  
  
Goon: "Put all your belongings in the bags."  
  
Misato reached down, but stopped herself. She was a fucking NERV employee. She could handle situation the could make Adolf Hitler cry for his mommy. She was in charge of almost everybody in NERV, AND she's the guardian of a walking basket-case, a girl with mood swings that puts the Incredible Hulk into convulsion, and (strangely, enough) owns a penguin who was voted #25 on "Cosmo's Most Elligible Bachelor 2013-2015." She shouldn't be afraid of them.  
  
She slaps the bag right out his hands.  
  
Misato: "Hell no! Who do you think you are!"  
  
Misato tried reaching for the gun in her coat, only to fine it gone. The words, "Oh-Shit" were playing "Patty-Cake" in her head for a second.  
  
Jimmy: "Who are we? We are a band of thugs known as... drum-roll..."  
  
Yep... there's a drum-roll. Can he be ANY more queer?  
  
Jimmy: "We are... "NightWings!!"  
  
All the thugs posed in postions that would make the Ginyu-Force scream in pain for thier introduction, then got back to work. Everyone in the restuarant sweat-dropped. Asuka leaned next to Shinji.  
  
Asuka: "The Nightwings? Isn't that the talking car?"  
  
Shinji: "I think that was "NightRider." Nightwings sounds like what the old Robin from "Batman" changed his name to."  
  
Misato: "I thought it was NightHawk."  
  
Roal: "Nah, NightHawk sounds like a rejected X-Men character."  
  
Misato: "Guess your right. What about a christmas song."  
  
Roal: "Silent Night?"  
  
Misato: "Yeah, that's the one. Reminds me of that song."  
  
Asuka: "Reminds me of a horror flick with the guy with sharp knives comming out of his gloves."  
  
Roal: "'Nightmare on Elm Street''s the name. I dunno. Not really a Freddy Krueger fan myself. I enjoy 'Friday the 13th' and 'From Dusk Til Dawn.'"  
  
Shinji: "Isn't that the one with those vampires?"  
  
Roal: "Yeah I like Vam-"  
  
Jimmy: "SHUT-UP!! FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING GOD, DID YOU FORGET THAT WE WERE IN A HOLD-UP!?!?!?!?!"  
  
All Four: (in unison) "Yeah."  
  
********************************  
  
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That was weird. Part 2 of the hold-up wil come later. Glad that you guys enjoy the fic so far. Keep with me!!!  
  
LATERZ!! R&R  
  
- 


	10. Chapter 10

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(EVA... to own or not to own... nope, but a guy can dream, can't he? Can't he? CAN'T HE?)

-

I need to shave... itchy itchy itchy... meh!

Sorry that I haven't updated faster. There's a few personal problems that I have to deal with and it's disrupting my typing and my ability to think. Wow... it's been awhile.

Shadow creative name O.o... my bet's on the Ginyu Force. I never thought anyone can bend that direction.

Rurouni12065 how the hell do you remember your name?... Nice to know that I can get anyone to review be saying the right things at the right times. BTW, that part was one of my favorites to make, too.

Shadow Penguin what's with people and shadows?... errr... yo-wiggity, WORD-LIFE (throws gangs signs).

The Freak glad to see someone who's comfortable with the way God created 'em... Hmmm... Violence... NAH! I mean, who wants to see violence? I bet that they'll all settle their problems with a cup of tea while holding hands and singing "We Are The World" ... in some type of pussy universe (France?).

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Bodyguards by chero666

- "Severe Pain... fire and brimstone... black cats... I must be in Heaven"

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Gendo Ikari and Fuyutski stare at the 5 members of NERV in front of him, with a slight interested, slight confused look on his face... which WOULD be possible to see if his hands weren't covering half of it.

Gendo: "Sooo... Major... what you're telling me, so far, is that a group of nine men stormed the resturant and held it up. Is that correct?"

Misato: "Yes, Commander"

Gendo eyes everybody and they're all noding in unison... even Rei. In Gendo experience with handling with situations like this (which is Zero, Zip, Zilch, Nada, Cero, Rei... you got it) he seemed to be able to handle it as calmly as he can...

Gendo: "Please tell me, 1- How you got passed them, 2- How the hell did Rei get involved, and 3- Why aren't we allowed to visit the resturant on the company dime anymore."

Misato: "Erp... umm... ehhhh... y'see..."

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As we left the last chapter, Roal, Misato, Shinji, and Asuka's dinner was interrupted by a small, ambigiously homosexual gang calling themselves, "The Night Wings." (I can still remember the poses that are scarred forever in the memories of those who were unfortunate to see it. I pity them.)

Jimmy, the awkwardly named leader of the mini-militia, held his gun at the NERV employees and threatened to kill anyone who tried to make a hard time for any of his henchmen.

Roal: "Someone's angry at the world."

Jimmy: "What I'm angry about is how idiots like you are at what you are right now. High ranked... respected..."

Misato: "I work for a sexist asshole that is in control of a multi-national conglomerate who's main duty is to see how badly they can piss off Catholics and other forms of Christianity."

Roal: "I'm being blackmailed by him..."

Shinji: "I'm his son..."

Asuka: "I live in the same house with his son..."

Rei: "I currently have nothing to add to the statements that my fellow co-workers have just said..."

Everyone looks at Rei like she sprang out of nowhere... like that butler from Mr. Deeds.

Misato: "When did you get here, Rei?"

Rei: "I'm having dinner."

Shinji: "Where's my father."

Rei: "Commanders Ikari and Fuyutski are busy at the moment, so I came alone..."

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Roal: "What WERE you two doing?"

Fuyutski: "We were currently sending 500 pizzas to SEELE..."

Gendo: "That'll teach them to clog my toilet."

Roal: "... very mature..."

Gendo: "Don't judge me..."

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Jimmy: "Grab the girl!"

It seemed that the out-of-character comment seemed to have interrupted with Rei's original plan of eating the blandest, veggie-filled meal that this quality resturant had to offer and gave her a shiny barrel pointed at her head... for the second time today and was forced to walk in front of them.

Roal: "Damn, girl. Is it your sole purpose in life to serve as a human shield?"

Jimmy: "Don't anybody move or this girl's brains are gonna be in worse shape than a kid who was brought up on a strict diet of Twinkies and Spam."

Roal: "Ewww... I'm gonna hurl."

Henchman: "HEY! I grew up just fine."

Jimmy: "We had to carry you here."

Henchman: "It's a long walk."

Jimmy: "It was across the street. Look, you're sweating just from holding a gun."

Henchman: "It's heavy."

Jimmy: (sighs) "It's not even loaded. We just brought you here because Mom wanted us to bond."

While Jimmy tried to connect with his brother, Roal leaned near Misato.

Roal: "Hey, hand me your gun."

Misato: "I don't have it."

Asuka: "What? Where else could it be? You took it with you to work."

Misato: "Actually, I made a few stops before hand..."

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Store Owner: "I can't believe that crazy lady gave me her gun in exchange for a 6-pak of Yebisu! I can finally end it all, now!"

The man points the gun to his head in hopes that the pain of his loved one drowning in "The Fatal Caramel Flood of 2010" would finally be at rest and he'd be able to spend the rest of his life with his loved ones... burning in Hell.

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Asuka: "How can you be so irresponsible!"

Misato: "Don't worry, the gun wasn't loaded."

: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Asuka: "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!"

Roal: "Sounds like someone's very essence of soul shattering from far away."

Misato: "I sounded like that guy from the Liqour Store down the street."

Roal: "That store next to NERV?"

Misato: "Yeah..."

Roal: "That's a 30 minute drive from here!"

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I'd apologize for not doing this sooner... but I'm sleepy, so I'll leave you with this...

(Evan sneaking into a window and making his way to the pantry)

Click  
(Evan looks up and sees a leprechaun holding a shotgun)

Lucky: (in a tired and drunken voice) "Why are you always after me Lucky Charms?"

BOOM! BOOM!

That? That was just a brainfart that I felt like typing. I hope you find it weird and pointless.

R&R! 


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